? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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