Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize