TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize