Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
