I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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