mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
