I CAN MOONWALK!
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
