My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
