Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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