If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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