she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
