So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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