ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
