Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
