have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
