I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This beer is not sobering me up at all
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
