xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
