Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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