Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
