I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
