im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
