Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize