i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
