I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
