maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
