tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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