You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My life is pants optional.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
