your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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