Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize