thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
