Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
