I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
