Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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