Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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