fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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