So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
