Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
