i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
