I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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