bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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