problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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