I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
