I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
