I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
