Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
