Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
