Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize