At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
