what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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