About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
