she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
