Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
