The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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