I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
