he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize