WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
