Yo dont text me then not text me
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wish you could order shots online.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Randomize
