I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
