she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
