Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
