Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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