Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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