are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
