Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
