You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize