She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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