soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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