I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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