If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize