i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
