And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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