addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
