I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
wow bdsm is so cute
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