im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
how drunk are you?
Several
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
