just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
