i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
