you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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