I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
