We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize