you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
