Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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