plz talk dirty to me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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