Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
