whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
