so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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