Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
