Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
