think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Congratulations! We have a period
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