hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
