im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize