I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
