oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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