Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
