I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize