she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Vodka?
Forever.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
