i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
