After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
