get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize