she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
