god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i out mim tonsoeep
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