Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize