She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
