Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
