i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
