3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
