I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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