Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
