I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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