She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
one might say we're banned from that church
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i believe in u and ur pee
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
