He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
