you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just want to make out with him forever
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
