dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
