Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
