That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
