So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
