please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
