All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ketchup is God's man juice
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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